


Pregnancy Scare

by ArtisticallyInsightful1



Category: KISS (US Band)
Genre: Accidentally High, Ace and Paul attempt being exclusive, Crack, Gene's a doting big brother, M/M, Pregnancy Scares, crackfic, pot brownies, that's going to make Ace pay child support if he leaves, this is fucking stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 05:30:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19311613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtisticallyInsightful1/pseuds/ArtisticallyInsightful1
Summary: Paul and Gene steal Peter's pot brownies from his room without realizing that they are laced. Insanity ensues.AKA: Paul gets high off of his ass and becomes convinced that he is pregnant but has no idea who the daddy is.





	Pregnancy Scare

''Gene! Leave some for me!'' Paul hisses grabbing three,''Three for you and three for me!''

''Screw that! there's twelve of them! I thought you said we're taking a break from that diet! We should have 6 each! C'mon Paul! Let's live a little! What's a little chocolate gonna do to us? What? You afraid of entering a chocolate coma?'' Gene teases wagging his eyebrows.

Paul huffs and gives in. Gene's sweet tooth is the cutest thing in the world. It always melts Paul's heart. Whenever Gene starts to gain extra pounds he has to fight with himself to restrict Gene's diet once more. He doesn't want his little demon getting too fat but he also wants for him to be happy. 

They sneak the brownies from Peter's room back to Paul's room and chow down while watching late night television. Sandford and son was on at the moment and nearly half an hour later it went from funny to hysterical. Paul kept slapping Gene's knee and cackling like a hen and Gene was cackling along with him.

''OoOoOoOoh Gene! Look at him, Gene! He's not havin' a heart attack! He's lyin'! Reminds me of Ace when he tries to bullshit he way out of cleaning or helping us out! Fuckin' asshole...'' Paul says snickering.

Gene snickers,''It reminds me of you when you don't want to be bothered...''

''Heeey what do you mean?'' Paul whines pouting.

''You make up the lamest excuses when you want to be left alone...Like that time you said you couldn't go out due to pollen but it was in the middle of winter...'' Gene cackles.

''Shut up Geeeene!'' Paul whines pushing him.

''No you Paaaaaaul!'' Gene whines back pushing him back.

The two struggle like that for a little while before flopping back on the bed. Paul laid still for a bit. He feels a cramp in his lower stomach. He gasps.

It happens a few more times.

He jumps up from the bed and wails in agony. He collapses to his knees and reaches an arm out to Gene as though he's drowning.

Gene only blinks at him from the bed in confusion.

Paul sobs,''Gene! Gene!''

''What!?'' Gene exclaims sitting up on the bed.

''I'm...'' Paul takes a few breaths before placing the back of his hand on his forehead as though he was going to faint.

''You're what?'' Gene deadpans.

''I'm Pregnant! Gene! I'm going into labor!'' Paul exclaims.

Gene jumps up in a flash,''Oh my God Paul! It'll be alright! Calm down! Who do I call in this situation? Should I drive you there myself...wait...I don't have a license! FUCK! What do we do!?'' Gene screams flailing like an idiot.

Paul wails dramatically from the floor.

''Quick! We have to call the father!'' Paul exclaims.

''Okay! Okay!'' Gene exclaims running to the phone. He pauses for a second and asks,''Who's the father...?''

Paul blinks slowly a few times before breaking out into sobs,''Oh my God...Oh no...I don't know...I'm a whore...''

Gene frowns,''Don't call yourself that! You are a liberated woman!''

Paul's eyes go wide,''I-I'm a woman!? Oh God! How am I just now realizing this!? How did I not know!? Is my penis still attached!? Look for me, Gene! I'm too scared!''

Gene waves his hand dismissively,''No time for that! The doctor will look at it when he gets here!''

Paul sobs,''I want to call my boyfriend! He needs to know!''

Gene dials the number to Ace's room and hands the phone over. Ace picks up on the third ring and slurs into the phone,''Yellow?''

''Ace! Ace! Oh my God!'' Paul sobs into the phone.

''Babe! Are you okay!? Where are you?'' Ace asks sounding worried.

''I'm in my room! I have an emergency! I need to be taken to the hospital!'' Paul whines.

''W-why are ya callin' me and not the medic!?'' Ace exclaims.

''I had to call you...you are most likely the father of this child and I really need you to drive me-''

''Woah! Woah! Woah! Slow it down Princess! I'm the father of what!? What are ya talkin' about!?'' Ace exclaims sounding exasperated already.

''I'm pregnant Ace! And I think it's yours! I think I'm going into labor!'' Paul exclaims sobbing hard.

Paul can hear Peter mumble,''Oh shit! I gotta go see this!'' in the background.

''We'll be there in a second Paulie...Where's Gene?'' Ace asks.

Paul looks over to see Gene rolling around on the floor with sheets on his head. Gene rolls into the tv stand and startles himself. 

''He's rolling around on the floor...I think he's trying to send for someone...'' Paul answers softly.

He could hear Ace bite back a cackle as he answered that he was on his way. Both of his band members were knocking on his door in no time. Paul unlocks the door and dramatically hangs onto Ace,''The baby will be here any minute Ace! Hurry!''

Ace looks at him for a moment before cracking up. He looks over to Gene who was tangled in bedsheets and rolling around on the floor like an idiot and laughed even harder. Peter collapsed on the floor laughing just as hard.

Ace takes a few deep breaths before asking,''You sure you ain't about to shit yourself, Paulie?''

Paul blinks a few times before shaking his head slowly as though Ace was the one being crazy.

''Okay...Okay...Oh...''Ace tries to compose himself but ends up cracking up again.

Peter can do nothing but point at Gene who was getting tangled up worse than before,''Dude...what the fuck did they take?''

''I don't know but they're traveling through fucking space right now.'' Ace answers trying not to crack up again.

Paul whines and clings onto Ace so the guitarist maneuvers the clingy man to the bed. He lays him down and says,''Paulie...you're not pregnant sweetie you probably just have a stomach ache from all the drugs in your system.''

Paul whines,''I'm too young to be a mother! What about my figure!? My beautiful figure!''

Peter doubles over laughing making Ace hide his face in the pillows next to Paul's head to hide his laughter in fear of upsetting the ''mother of his child''.

''Stop laughing at me! I'm never letting you come inside of me ever again!'' Paul screams.

Ace's laughter suddenly comes to a screeching halt and he says nervously,''Now Paulie...no need to go that far...''

''No more nookie for you!'' Paul hisses turning away from him dramatically.

''No baby please...please don't do me like this!'' Ace pleads trying not to crack up again.

Peter snickers from the floor,''You're fuckin' whipped. Pathetic!''

''He has the tightest ass I've ever been in! I can't just give it up!'' Ace argues making Peter laugh once more.

''I agree,'' Gene mumbles from the floor.

Ace's eyes bug out,''What the fuck do you mean you agree!? Huh!? Paulie you've been taking dick from other dudes again!? I thought we were exclusive now!?''

Paul whines like a guilty child,''Noooo...''

''Paulie! Fucking seriously!? From Gene no less!?'' Ace exclaims looking outraged.

Peter bursts out laughing again,''Please! No! No! Make it stop! I'm about to piss my fucking pants! I can't take this! I can't! Oh God, I'm gonna take a stroke!''

Ace cuts his eyes at Peter,''I'm so happy that this is funny to you.''

Peter mimics Ace's facial expression and says,''Yeah, especially since I fucked him too.''

Ace gasps dramatically before jumping at Peter. The two chase and wrestle with each other playfully.

''I ain't helping you with this baby no more Paul! Ya skank!'' Ace screams pushing Peter off of him.

Paul sits up,''No! I think it's yours! Gene always comes on my face and Peter on my stomach! You're the only one that stays inside.''

Peter laughs until he starts hacking and gasping for air. Ace chuckles,''I fucking hate you guys. I need new friends.''

Gene finally gets the sheet off of his head,''If it is my baby I will raise him with you. Just don't expect marriage out it...''

Paul mumbles something slowly nodding off. Ace taps Peter and points to Paul's nodding head,''Princess is nodding out for the night. All we need is for Gene to clock out next.''

Paul flops back on the bed and passes out immediately.

Gene follows suit not before mumbling about taking out a lawsuit on Ace and making him pay child support to help Paul afford to raise the child.

Ace and Peter laugh so hard that they fall over in tears.

They will NEVER let the two of them live this down.

After Peter calms down some he sighs,''I was wondering where the fuck my pot brownies went...the brownies had more than just pot in them...at least they went to good use...this was fucking hilarious...''

''We need to do this more often...this is the best prank we've ever pulled and it wasn't even on purpose! Holy shit!'' Ace exclaims falling into a fit of cackles again.

''I fucking love this band...'' Peter says laying his head on Ace's shoulder.


End file.
